My head was throbbing, and everything around me was plastered in a stark white. It bored me to tears. White sheets, white walls, white machines, white chairs, white everything. Even my hospital gown was coated in it. I felt imprisoned, and forgotten. Like the rest of my life would be white and dull as well. I'd been in a hospital bed for days, and the only people that came in to see me were nurses, whom were no welcoming sight. I was so lonely; I had convinced myself that I was going insane. I needed human communication with people that didn't knock me out with morphling, or poke and prod me. I needed someone –anyone – that I could talk to. But the chances of that happening were next to none, and I was positive that I was going to die in confinement. Engulfed by the never ending white, and completely forgotten. I'd just about given up and was almost welcoming the idea of disappearing into the bland, world around me, as I began drifting off into a dream of my mother. I was somewhat aware of the world around me as my mind began conjuring up the soothing smile of the woman I loved more than anything. Then I heard the click of an opening door.
I was positive it was coming from another room, the noise amplified because of my grogginess. Then I heard a soft calming voice, so close I felt as though I could reach out and catch it in my palm, and I instantly knew I was wrong. It was strong and firm, yet calm and gentle. It was the most beautiful thing I'd heard in days – maybe my whole life. Even though the kind yet forceful presence this voice gave off surprised me, I couldn't help feel that there was some level of familiarity in it. I knew that I'd heard it before, because it gave me a warm feeling inside. He only said my name, but it felt like so much more.
"Johanna…?" He whispered not wanting to wake me, un-aware my being between dreamy worlds.
I slowly lifted the heavy lids of my eyes, determined to find out who the voice belonged to. When they opened and my pupils focused, I was pleasantly surprised. I had not expected him.
"G-Gale? What are you doing here?" I could feel the belittling demeanour of my voice, and I instantly regretted it. I'd accidently used my usual, condescending tone. Of course, the first human I'd talked to in weeks, and I was already acting like a royal asshole.
"Well, I was looking for Katniss, and I thought this was her room. Sorry," I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but the sharp stinging pain in my heart felt like… Jealousy. He was looking for his best friend who was in just as much pain as I was, yet I felt jealous? I couldn't make sense of what I was feeling, other than the fact that I wanted him to stay. I told myself that I had to shrug it off. I mean, we had only spoken a few times, and I barely knew him. I had no chance of ever being with him. He loved Katniss, not me. The jealousy would wear off eventually, and when it did I would go back to counting the ceiling tiles.
His hands slowly wrapped around the metallic surface of the door handle, about to leave me in solitary for who knows how long. I wanted him to stay and not just because I loathed being alone, but because… He was the only piece of hope I had left in this hell-hole. He was like the bright light, in a dark world. The only thing you had left to cling to, hoping it would bring you to salvation.
"Gale, wait. I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude." I sounded pathetic, and defeated. I knew that he wouldn't think twice, that he'd just leave and pretend he didn't hear me. That he'd rather be with the one he loved, instead of here with me. Another pang of jealousy hit me, before he turned around to face me. His face was unreadable, but his eyes were willing, and strong… just like they always were. A small grin crept up, and slowly appeared on his lips. He took a few steps closer, his eyes never leaving mine.
"It's okay Jo. Hey, are you alright? You look… Shaken up," His eyes flitted across the room, taking in all the cold, mechanical contraptions that were required to keep me both physically and mentally stable. I smiled, slightly embarrassed and looked up at his sculpted face.
"Eh, I've been better. I mean, being trapped in an endless room of white, while being chained to millions of machines isn't my ideal day," I joked playfully, and blushed a little. He glanced down, and chuckled as he moved closer to my bedside.
"Yeah, maybe someone should contact the interior designer. This is almost criminal," He took in the ghastly sight once more, almost in disgust.
"Yeah, maybe. I absolutely hate it. I feel like I'll go insane if I don't get out of here soon. I've been so lonely…" Gales face tilted down, his eyes filled with surprise.
"You mean… I'm the only one that's come to see you?" The surprised expression turned into pain, as I nodded slowly. "Jo… I'm so sorry. If I had known -"
"It's not your fault Gale. Really, it's okay. You're here now anyway, so what does it matter?" After the words tumbled out, I wished I could've stuffed them back into my big mouth. He wasn't supposed to be with me. He was supposed to be with Katniss. "Why don't you go see how Katniss is doing? You should be with her, not me. Tell her I say hi," I tried to convince myself that what I was doing was for the better. That he should be with her and not me. But I failed miserably, because I could feel the sharp pains in my heart again. They felt like millions of tiny - yet impossibly sharp – splinters were lodging themselves somewhere deep inside me that I had no chance of ever reaching. I glanced up, expecting him to be near the door, but he had actually come closer. Once again his eyes were undecipherable and I hadn't the slightest idea of what he was thinking. My eyes were glued to his, looking for any hint of what he was thinking. But it wasn't his eyes that showed his true emotion. His lips turned into a warm smile, that made me melt.
"Jo… I don't think she needs me as much as you do. Katniss can wait a while," At this point, Gale was inches away from the side of my rock hard hospital bed. He brought his scarred hand up to my face, to brush away a stray wisp of hair out of my eyes. I beamed at him, as every last splinter removed itself from the recesses of my guarded heart. I could feel it opening up though, slowly unfolding and releasing all the tension and pain that had it had been with holding. It was opening up to Gale. It finally felt safe enough to let go, and let others in.
"Thank you Gale," My hoarse voice barely audible over the hum of machines. "Thank you so much…" I could feel my eyes glazing with tears, as things became slightly distorted. Gale had noticed, because he took my hand and cradled them in his.
"I won't be leaving anytime soon Jo… I'll be here for a while," He reassured me, softly caressing the back of my hands.
But then I began to wonder. He loves Katniss, yet he's here with me. Why? Was it because he had given up on her? Because he knew that he had no chance of winning against the man she truly cared for? Because he knew that she had already made up her mind? Whatever the reason, it didn't matter because he was with me, and not Katniss.
As the night wafted by, Gale eventually crawled into bed, pressed up against me. His breath was clinging to my dry skin, never wanting to leave. The smell of his hair made me smile. He smelled like the woods… like District 7. His knowing arms made their way around my waist, and pulled me as close as possible.
"Goodnight Jo… Sweet dreams," He whispered, into my ear.
"Night Gale," I replied, as I snuggled into the curve of his neck.
I slowly found sleep, as the smell of Gale occupied my dreams, and my heart.